Striving For Perfection

I’m 119, but sure I fucked that up. Restricting tons tomorrow.. I need someone to text.. in canada?

So I’ve decided that I need to come on here at least 2-3 times week minimum! I miss coming on here everyday in the morning. I slipped up quite a bit after seeing my weight of 117. I don’t know why I messed up. Its like “Oh, I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight now” When actually its the most stupidest thing I can ever think of and believe. I was 121 this morning. But I’m restricting and need to stop b/p. It totally screws me up and my throat is so raw. I have to get past stupid 116.

Weighed 117 yesterday morning, 2 more freaking pounds till 115, which will be past my lowest weight, I’m so excited!!! 7 pounds lost so far.

So I weighed myself this morning and I was 119 pounds. That means I’ve lost 5 pounds so far. Since not eating any junk food, I haven’t had cravings for it and I can easily say no to it. This own personal diet thing is really working and I’m happy. I’m going to make my goal 115 for now. Then get down to 110, and depending on how I look, I may go lower. I’m going to try not to weigh myself till Tuesday morning.

I’ve lost 2 pounds in around a week, and its staying off. I’m 121 right now. I can’t believe eating lots of protein and veggies would keep your calories really low and keep you satisfied through out the day, who would’ve known? I’m actually pretty happy that this is working for me :) I’m going to weigh again on sunday morning.

P.I.N.K. Method is what it’s called. It’s helped me so far to get control and I can already notice results. No junk food, all healthy, and I’m following it religiously.

My bulimia has been getting really bad. I’ve been restricting and then binging and purging everyday. I’ve been b/p 2-3 times a day. This morning I woke up and it felt like someone was stabbing a knife into my heart and it hurt to breathe. I don’t know what to do. The voice in my head is so strong. I’ve been drinking a lot during the weekends just to try and numb myself. My mom keeps asking me if I’ve been purging but I just keep saying no. I’ve been hiding everything about my eating disorder around my parents and acting like everything’s fine. I lock myself in my room, turn the music on and throw up in a bucket that’s hiding under my bed. I have showers after overeating at meals. The only way to hide it is by taking a butter knife and prying out the drain so there will be no evidence of me purging. I’m in self-destructive mode, I hate myself so much. I just found out the guy I liked, likes some other girl even though he led me on for quite a while. I’m so crushed. I want to just break down and cry. I hate school. I hate everything in my life.

revengeofthejenn:

I just wanted to clarify that I do not support any kind of self-harm. My struggles are my own, and I do not wish anything like this for others. I post how -I- feel, and by no means am attempting to influence others to do the same.

(via skeletal-ghosts)