August 2011
19 posts
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Finally Home..
To start off.. Vancouver was dreadful. Way, way to much going out and giving in to disgusting food. I managed to purge 3 times, and I was so desperate that I stole 2 boxes of exlax chocolate and ate 6 at a time for 2 days in a row as well as some of this other strong ass laxative. I ended up getting very sick when I got home.. like throwing up 10 times that night and all through the morning as...
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scardiaries asked: hello darling, are you from canada, or just on vacay in Vancouver?
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Sorry For The Lack Of Updates
In Vancouver on holidays.. completely horrid. There’s junk food everywhere I go ! It’s so hard to avoid and of course I caved in… As soon as I get back this has got to change.. God I don’t even want to know what my weight is. Hoping all this walking around helps :( FML.
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I Sometimes Wonder...
If purging actually gets rid of all the calories if you make sure you throw up everything. Anyways.. I binged and purged my breakfast, and so far have only kept down 200 calories.
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Just Another Day..
Only kept down 400 calories today.. binged and purged twice though. I’m such a fuck up.
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I Sometimes Think...
About having kids when I’m older.. a lot older. But the fact that I would gain weight during pregnancy terrifies me.
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Let's Make This Count
So far today I’ve had 500 calories, hoping to keep it lower then 800 for sure. Think I might just not eat anymore for the day though.
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This Better Last
Finishing the day at 550 calories.. such a fat fuck.
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WTF.
I ate so so so so so bad.. like the worst I have ever eaten before. Not even kidding probably like 5000 cals in a day and I feel absolutely disgusting. I took 8 laxatives last night.. been paying for it all night and morning. Today is different. I’ve had enough. Low cal day today and for a very long time.
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FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I’m so fucking fat, hideous, a disgrace. I’m disgusted, revolted by my body. I just want to cut off all this fat off me. Fuck my life. I can’t do anything right. Where the hell is my will power these days?
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I Feel Like Complete Shit
This past week has been horrid. Binging and restricting constantly. My mind is torn in between the fantasy of being thin to perfection and the other side just wanting to be happy and normal for once. But every time I eat to much I just feel guilty and disgusted with myself. Blaggh, why am I so fucking FAT.
